Start again

I finally rediscovered this blog and as I read the entry from January I am struck by how much has happened.

I am unemployed now....my last day at my former employer was March 20, 2009. Even though the exit was my choosing, the last couple of weeks of employment were really painful...not because I regretted my decision to leave; rather because the process of letting go of this 31 year connection with all the memories, friendships, learned lessons (both good and bad), triumphs and failures, etc. was incredibly wrenching...so much more than I imagined it would be. Even now as I write about the process of letting go, I am flooded with tears. I don't think it is understated to say that this was a "death" of one of the most significant, impactful relationships I have had in my 50+ years.

A couple of weeks ago, I had the opportunity to attend a workshop in Pennsylvania titled "Breakthrough Intensive". In addition to meeting some amazing people, the biggest takeaway for me was their model of Breakthrough....a self-renewing, cyclical model of moving from "high performance and ordinary" to "the unthinkable" to "high performance and breakthrough", which then becomes "high performance and ordinary" to "the unthinkable", to......you get the idea. What I realized is that I have chosen and moved from "high performance and ordinary" to "the unthinkable" - I left my employer of 31 years, a good paying job, and I am 15 years away from being officially eligible for social security. And what became glaringly obvious to me after the first revelation is that I need another "unthinkable" in this "unthinkable" space in order to move to "high performance and breakthrough" (and meaning and purpose as I define it).

And that is where the rubber is meeting the road (so to speak)....I am trying to find "it" but there is no road map (only a sketchy plan of first steps) and I am treading water with no obvious foothold.

And I hate being here!